It’s been 4 months since we moved to Tucson, Arizona, and what a wild 4 months it has been. I knew it would be a big adjustment moving to the other side of the country from where we were born and raised, but it hasn’t just been an adjustment. It’s been a roller coaster, it’s been a journey. It was not the ride I was expecting, which let’s be honest – that’s usually how it goes.
I’d be lying to you if I told you it hasn’t been hard. It’s tested both myself and Zach almost every step of the way, but I can see the growth it’s brought for us – individually and as a couple. It’s still testing me as a write this.
We got to Tucson on October 25, 2020 and lived with Zach’s uncles for a few weeks – the only family we have in this half of the US, (to read about our journey down here and what it was like doing it during a pandemic, head here). In the 2.5 weeks we were at his uncles’ house, I signed a publishing contract for Written in Silence with a company that helps you self-publish and I signed on with a 1-1 coach. Then we moved into our first apartment in Tucson on November 11 with absolutely nothing but what we could fit in my lil sedan and Zach’s uncles’ air mattress.
So here’s a timeline of our first 3 months here:
October 25, 2020 – Arrived in Tucson
November 3, 2020 – Signed publishing contract
November 5, 2020 – Signed on with a 1-1 coach
November 11, 2020 – Moved into our first apartment
December 6, 2020 – Zach’s first day of work
December 8, 2020 – Written in Silence was published
January 14, 2021 – We found out about Riley
January 15, 2021 – Riley came home // Same day found out we had to move (Watch this YouTube video for the whole story on that one)
January 29, 2021 – Moved into our new apartment
There have been some seriously high highs, and believe me when I say really low lows. In between all those notable events have been really trying times. First and foremost is how damn hard it is to move 2700 miles away from your entire family. This was the first time either of us ever spent the holidays away from our family, and that took a massive toll on me. I miss my family so much. I miss my mum. I miss my guinea pig who couldn’t make the trip down with us. It’s really hard and I’ve had multiple breakdowns about it. I’m holding on tight to what I do have: video chats & phone calls with my family, and the knowing that when I do see them, it’s going to be absolutely incredible.
Then there was the complete and utter breakdown I had when we found out we had to move after Riley came home. The following week tested me, my strength, my belief, and my faith in the Universe. Now cue me working to build a business amongst all of this and more. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have almost lost my shit (not to mention the times I actually have lost it). All of this in combination has brought so much to the surface, asking for deeper growth from me.
There has been resistance to this growth. My ego is doing what she can to stop it, and I have found myself in a place of conflicting voices – a voice that is asking for things to be heard so they can be healed clashing with a voice doing everything it can to stop me from doing that. It’s deep feelings, emotions, and growth butting heads with limiting beliefs. And it has taken so much out of me.
Honestly, I feel like as soon as we got to Tucson, my life turned upside down. Half of it on the good end and half on the lower end. I’ve felt both more at home within myself than I ever have and more disconnected from myself than I have in years. Although it is extremely confusing and even draining, there is something much more beautiful to this phase…
It’s the in-between phase. The place where you have reached a level of your growth in which it now asks something more of you or it will plateau. It’s the point where you outgrow your old self but haven’t quite grown fully into the new version of yourself. This place asks you for a new level of growth, it asks you to take the leap of faith into the next version of yourself. But it also comes with having to let go – let go of that old version of your, let go of that old comfort zone, let go of old stories and patterns.
This can even be a time of grief. A time of grieving your old self as you let them go. The paradox here? This old version of yourself is being shed, but you hold them in your heart forever, loving and learning from that version of yourself.
It’s an emotionally complex time and it has been testing me in every way possible. It’s been hard, I won’t lie and say it’s been this easy, beautiful ride. Beautiful, yes, but ugly at the exact same time. Letting go of my hometown means letting go of who I was in it in order to step into who I am becoming.
Here’s the thing though… if I hadn’t of taken the leap of faith to move – and if Zach hadn’t been willing to take it too – none of that above timeline would have existed, and none of this would have happened. Meaning, I can confidently say that I wouldn’t be at the point I am had I not experienced what I had… I would be multiple paces behind. True growth comes when times are tough. The key is learning to love ourselves through the best and the worst.
So I’m looking back on the lessons, growth, and remaining growth opportunities from the last 4 months while I look forward at all that is to come. It’s important we check the rearview every now and again, but if we stare into it for too long, we’ll crash.
I have also, and continue, to take all of this and build the relationship with myself stronger. Because not only does growth come from tough times, but so does the opportunity to love yourself through all of it. Not to mention, it’s amazing what you can learn about yourself the stronger you build the relationship with yourself.
Celebrate the good and hug yourself through the not-so-good, and remember to let yourself know how proud you are each and every step of the way – it really does make a difference.
With endless love & good vibes,
Ash xx
