As March 20th was my 26th birthday, I am sharing 25 lessons I have learned on the way here. It has been a wild ride, but such is life, and being able to look back and see how much I have grown and how much I have learned is really cool and definitely an empowering feeling.
These are in no particular order, but all have made an impact on my life and my growth as a person.
- Don’t give up. It’s easy to give up when times get tough or you feel as though you have failed, but on the other side of all that is something beautiful waiting for you. It’s not giving up and pushing forward with your goals and dreams that creates belief, strength, and resilience.
- My worth is my own. As is yours. Our worth is not dictated or decided by anyone or anything other than ourselves. We are all inherently worthy, no matter what, and no one else can touch that.
- If it’s on your heart, it’s meant to be there. Whatever idea, goal, or dream is on your heart is there because you have the unique ability to bring it to life, in a way only you can.
- The only thing that is truly stopping you is you. We truly can do anything, and the only thing that is ever in your way is you… get out of your own way and magic will happen.
- Go against the grain. Your life is your life, and you deserve to live it how you want to live it. It’s easy to live within societal standards and socially “acceptable” norms – it’s scary to go against that. But you only have one life as you are, so go for gold even if society questions it. If it makes you happy, it’s worth it.
- There is light after darkness. No matter how dark that tunnel seems, there is a light – and that light is already within you. It will take time to fully step into that light, but it is there and you can come out the other side.
- People come and people go, especially as you grow. You may have that one friend or two who has been there from the beginning and always will be, and you may also have people who were only meant to be in your life for a period of time. People will come and enter your life all throughout your life, and people will walk out as well. That doesn’t mean anything about you, all it means is they served their purpose in your life, and you in there’s. It means space is being made for someone new to enter your life.
- No matter what you do, you will get judged. It’s inevitable – whether you live in society’s “acceptable” box or you step outside it. But the judgements from others do not determine your worth, and they say nothing about you – and everything about the person that passed the judgement. Someone else’s judgement of you actually has nothing to do with you. So you might as well just do the damn thing and be who you are, unapologetically!
- Joy producing activities are a must. Joy is healing. Immersing yourself completely in something that brings you joy connects you deeper with yourself as you are completely present with yourself. It also melts away everything else for a little while, and brings you the energy and clarity you need to work through what was weighing you down.
- Growth is not linear. As you go through your own journey of growth, it will look so different from everyone else’s because you are uniquely you. It will also not even remotely be a straight line. There will be ups and downs and loop-de-loops and back-steps, and that is all okay and a part of the process. Ride the wave.
- Forgiveness is not for them, it is for you. Forgiving someone who has hurt you feels like one of the hardest things we can do sometimes. But it’s not about them; you can forgive someone without them ever knowing you forgave them – you do not have to tell them and you do not have to let them back into your life. The act of forgiveness is about you and for you – it is a way to set yourself free from that person or situation and the energetic attachment still present.
- The world/Universe/God etc. does not hate you. You are not a joke and there is no force laughing at your misery. You truly are meant to be happy and when you start believing in that possibility, you will start to see it play out. The force you believe in wants to and does support you, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
- Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. Your beliefs and perceptions are what creates your reality, and what you feel and believe on the inside, is what you see to be true on the outside. To change the external, you must be willing to look at the internal.
- Go for it. Whatever it is that feels way too scary or unknown, but that you would love to do… go for it. Take that leap of faith and just do it. Whether it’s moving across the country (or to another country), writing and publishing that book, starting that business, releasing that song you wrote, quitting your job to travel for 3 months… whatever it is, go for it.
- Failure is only failure if you let it be. The only true way you can fail is by not trying in the first place or quitting. Every single perceived failure comes with a lesson or a way to grow or a new opportunity. It is a success in learning what didn’t work and in bringing you closer to what does work / feel good for you.
- Done is better than perfect. There really is no such thing as completely perfect – it’s all about perception and the need for it to be perfect is actually based in limiting belief systems of not feeling good enough or worthy enough to put whatever it is out there. It’s also a method of self-sabotage.
- The easy option isn’t always the best option. What I’ve learned is that often the easiest option or path in front of you is based in fear, limiting beliefs, and the ego. It’s the option that keeps you in the comfort zone and keeps your ego in the driver’s seat. It is often the hard, scary, uncomfortable option or path that will lead to the greatest amount of growth and bring the most happiness in the long run.
- Vulnerability is not a weakness, it is a strength. Holy shite is it hard to be vulnerable… but that is because we have been conditioned to believe that being vulnerable and sharing our vulnerabilities is weak. That could not be more wrong. It shows incredible strength to be open about your deepest vulnerabilities, and it is quite literally liberating.
- Bottling it up & shoving it down is unhealthy and even harmful. This also stems from societal conditioning. Modern day culture is so rooted in “go go go” and don’t be vulnerable and just keep pushing through. It literally advocates a numbing and avoidance of your feelings and emotions in the name of hustle. This is unhealthy and even harmful because all that succeeds in doing is shoving those things into a dark corner to fester like rotten milk until it becomes unbearable. In order to release, we must feel.
- You are not alone. It’s unfortunately common to feel alone in your pain, struggles, or hurt… but you are not alone. There are people who understand, even just to a degree, of what you are feeling and what you are going through. They feel the same and they too have faced deep pain and trauma. There is an army of us and the more we openly talk about stigmatized things, the more you begin to see how many others are standing by your side.
- You will fuck up. You are human and you will fuck up at some point. It does not define you and it does not make you any less. You can either learn and grow from it, or you can let it eat at you. The first being the harder option, but the one that will bring the most into your life.
- Your pain and struggles are not comparable to anyone else’s. We often say “well it could be worse” or “I could have it worse… I could be in that person’s shoes.” Any version of this is not helping anyone. Whatever you are going through is valid and it is not comparable to others. We are all going through something and comparing it to one another is not going to help any of us heal – it’s going to get us repressing it and feeling worse.
- Your feelings and emotions are always valid. Period. No matter what they are.
- Ask for help. There is no shame in asking for help. At one point, in one way or another, we all need help with something in our lives. It is okay to need help and it is okay to ask for it. This, too, does not show weakness, but incredible strength.
- It is okay not to be okay. It is not something to be ashamed of and it is not something you have to hide. You are human, you have a massive spectrum of human emotions and experiences, and it is okay not to be okay.
Life is an absolutely wild ride and it is so much more fun to just buckle up, hold on, and take it as it comes. Sometimes things fall apart and sometimes they fall together… sometimes they apart so they can fall together. Another little lesson. There is so much growth, joy, love, and happiness to be found in life if we decide to start looking for it. Yes, that may be easier said than done, but it does not make it impossible. Look for the lessons life hands you along the way and know that you are worthy, you are good enough, and you are capable of living the life you dream of living. Just take it one step at a time and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Get back up when you fall down, brush yourself off, and know that it does not affect your worth or good enoughness.
The first 25 years of my life were an adventure and so much has come from them – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have grown more than I used to think possible, and I am excited to take on what life has for me going forward.
With endless love and good vibes,
Ash xx
