To my beautiful body,
It’s that time of year again; your reminders have become visible.
I looked down the other day and there it was – the feeling of guilt, hurt, resentment. But this time it was different, this time that was a fleeting feeling. This time something else happened – something beautiful.
This time I felt a sense of PRIDE.
As my skin tans, your scars brighten. The scars I gave you. And for that, I am so deeply sorry.
I am sorry for the way I treated you all those years. I am sorry for my unkind coping mechanisms. I am sorry for the hate I had for you. I am sorry for taking out my hurt on you. I am sorry.
But today, I am not here to relive those pains. I am here to thank you.
Thank you for never giving up on me.
Thank you for never giving out on me.
You stayed, and you FOUGHT. You fought while my mind could not. You fought while my soul could not. And you didn’t stop. You kept fighting and you kept going each and every day, knowing that this would pass. You remained my temple even when I treated you like a dumpster. And for that I THANK YOU.
You tolerated the lack of food because I convinced you it was necessary – but you didn’t quit. You took the infliction of physical pain because I convinced you that was the only way out – but you didn’t walk away. You took the hate and you took the dismay because I told you that’s how it had to be – but you were always there for me.
This brings tears to my eyes, and a full feeling of pure love in my heart. After all I did to you, after how I treated you for years, you stuck around with your own pride and your own belief in our mind and soul. You are my best friend and my biggest cheerleader.
So as I sit here in the sparkling rays of sun, and I look down at our arm, I feel such a sense of pride and gratitude. I am proud of you and the strength you held for me, I am proud of us and the work we have done together, I am proud of myself for how far I have come. I am grateful for you and your unwavering faith in me. I am grateful for that dark time – our rock bottom – because it brought us lessons, love, growth, strength, power and a whole new life.
I look down at my arm today, and I feel happiness. I don’t see these scars as a reflection of my pain anymore, but as a reflection of something much more beautiful. They are symbolic of the connection we have built between mind, body, and soul. They are symbolic of a new life blossoming freely from the old.
I wear these scars with guilt and shame no longer, but with power and grace. I wear these scars as a chapter of my journey – closed and forgiven, but not forgotten.
Most importantly, I wear you with all the beauty and confidence in the world, because you, my darling, are the purest temple I will ever set foot in.
With love, light, and health,
Ashley
xx
